I don't know about anyone else but I'm pretty sick of the 'keep calm and carry on' attitude that seems to be pervading our discourse around this pandemic. And from having had conversations with colleagues and friends about this, mostly women admittedly, I know I'm not alone. So why are some of us so determined not to talk about the elephant in the room?
I really do worry that there will be repercussions to this, and that they will be twofold.
There will be those of us like me, who feel like we're being gas lighted on a daily basis into feeling like we have to pretend everything is fine when it is most definitely not and we know it, and then there will be those who are carrying on as if they are fine but in reality they aren't, they just don't know it or don't have the space or words to explore it, and it will eventually works its way out, probably in some toxic manner that does nobody around them, or even themselves, very much good.
We have to find ways of talking to each other about the damage this time is doing to us, emotionally, mentally, physically and socially. You don't solve problems by pretending they don't exist. But that isn't even the point.
When I took to Twitter recently to express a bit of this frustration, in terms of bemoaning my diminished mental capacity, interestingly enough it was the women mostly who empathised, and the men who tried to suggest solutions. Obviously my Twitter conversation is not a scientific study but I think this does tell us how gender may be factoring in to how we're responding to this time. Sometimes we just need to listen to each other, and be comfortable with sharing and listening to awkward feelings, rather than try to box them off because they're inconvenient.
I know the push back will be that employers can't afford to allow staff time to check in each other. The irony in this being that productivity was already massively held back before Covid-19 by a working culture that does not allow for human limitations, hence ridiculous high levels of stress and resultant sickness absence. Is it not better to allow people the space and time to be open and honest, rather than forcing them out of work in order to catch a break? We know that people feel more motivated when they feel listened to, supported and valued.
A friend who works in the mental health sector put it to me last week that mental health is a continuum. It is something we all have, that is with us all our lives, that we need to take care of as it will be challenged and pushed at different points. But it can't be down to us to do this work alone. Employers have a part to play in this, as do families, friends, the health system, schools and more. We're not numbers on a spreadsheet, we're human beings, and we deserve to be treated with compassion and dignity, regardless of what we contribute to the economy or society.
No-one can function at 100% optimum capacity at the best of times, let alone during a pandemic. The pressure of that background noise alone is enough to push the boundaries of anyone's mental health, without factoring in worries about friends, family, finances, employment prospects, relationships and our own personal health. Now that we're more isolated from each other than ever, we have to find ways to come together to have the discussions that we've shied away from for so long. We have to start seeing the strength in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in front of each other. We're all fragile in different ways, but we won't know it until we talk about it.
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